All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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