your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just pynch a tree in the face
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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