She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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