She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
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Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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