Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize