...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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