My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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