I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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