Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize