Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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