I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize