just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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