My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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