he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
it's like heaven, but drunker
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Randomize