You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
home. puking in laundry basket.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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