he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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