i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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