He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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