sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize