The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
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i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
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Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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