Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize