and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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