clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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