What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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