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So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
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