got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
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He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
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Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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