and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
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Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
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What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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