Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize