Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
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just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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