you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize