I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize