My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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