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Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
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