im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
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This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
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I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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