the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
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I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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