Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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