did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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