Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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