Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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