wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize