Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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