So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
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I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
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The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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