He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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