So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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