Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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