Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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