filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Congratulations! We have a period
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