i just made my gag reflex go away.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
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I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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