i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
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Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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