I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize