glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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